The Damper on Laughter

Mmm what d'ya say?
Mmm that it's all for the best? Of course it is.



Here's a feedback loop. Diana thinks about the future. Diana gets sad. Diana starts thinking to cure her of her sadness. Diana thinks about the future.
Positive or negative?


Also...
Freshman year, I used to joke about how I lost weight from all the laughing I did. Regardless of the weight issue, I look at myself now and realize I cannot laugh. Not genuinely. Besides the occasional circumstance-shattering joke that is quite sidesplitting, the instant I laugh, it's like all the bad thoughts rush to my head and stop my breath dead in its tracks.


This is what deep-set pain is. I love my life. But it's an hourglass.

More casualties to Virginia Tech each day. There's a small part of me that really does want to go there. It's arch school is exceptional, everyone I care about will go there.
Then there's the part underneath all that that says, "This is the stupidest shit I've ever heard. You have weaknesses, but this is a small one and you'd be foolish to give it any of your time."
So there is no part of me that will go to Tech. Why I'm even considering it is ridiculous, too.
But it's a Catch-22. I mean, I'm only doing this to prove (why?) that I can give up things that don't matter to me, but I might be giving up my future, too.


And when I said hourglass, I meant hourglass. It really does stop at college. Sure, a third of us will go to UVA. Let's say there is one person I do care about there. What will happen? I will watch as every day passes and we grow farther apart. Watch as someone else takes over their life.