1. I like to think I have some amount of patience at school, but I deal with people who are aware of how to act in public. Perhaps society has spoiled me and I've learned to expect it.

I come back home every time thinking I won't mind it. But then,

I want to be angry.

I want to say that when dad lashes out over the little things, it's stupid and its unwarranted.

Spoiled indeed?

(6:32:59 PM) Kyonoshi: but i would say that your dealings with many brownies is at the point

(6:33:04 PM) Kyonoshi: where you are still superficially polite

perhaps.

But you can't be superficially polite forever.

Recall the two-factor theory of emotion: physical arousal, not simply mental stimuli, can be responsible for emotion.

Similarly, doing can be believing.

You practice courtesy and you become courteous. It may be nothing more than running through the motions with people you don't care about at all.

Is it frivolous?

No; maybe it's the only way for some.

I need a side of me who is truly apologetic at every turn,

truly capable of overturning impulse,

who wants to really know

"are you okay?"

and not just because it looks nice.

2. A sinister dream: "I have a girlfriend, but right now I just wanna fuck you."

(If I stumble through your facebook pictures enough, will you pop up on my top friends?)

"But I know I'm over something when I want to read my old AIM logs again."

It's been a long time. Dreams cannot hurt me anymore.

Don't worry, neither this man nor the others could ever be in the way:

My trailing August, uncertain September, deteriorating fall, and when December came,

you thought I was over it. Little did you know I was still wondering about months back.

When February 2011 hit, so did the brick. My emotional slate was clean.

A combination of luck and a sense of appropriateness.

I'm sorry it seemed sudden and I'm sorry it caused so much trouble,

but it was meant to be.