Want to Hear a BunchLoad of Crap?

RANT ( haha there's a font size "huge")
i'm mad at lets see, 1..2....3...4.....5...6 ish things right now. And every time i THINK, LOOK, OR BREATHE, IT JUST FEELS WRONG. Its like i'm missed all my chances to improve my grades and do other stuff i wanted to do. Its like I'm mad at myself because i make the wrong decisions and i'm not even in control. Its like i wish things that had nothing to do with me happened differently and i mean, NOTHING to do with me.
Its like i'm paranoid...(lookin' over my back!) but honestly. And if i told people what i was paranoid about, they'd laugh. Except for understanding ol' amanda. But it just annoys me so much, and i feel like i'm the only one who knows its happening but its not really happening everyday in that cramped little space where there's no room for escaping!!! but it MIGHT happen and i'm not prepared for it no matter what happens. and the Tech test. Its coming. why did i fall asleep in so many classes!??? Now i'm totally clueless and just feel this overwhelming helplessness come over me while trying to be happy.
And my guitarra grande? why of all guitarras to choose from did i stab this one now theres no going back. Christine.... you're finally out of your little tunnel. Now its my turn. And you know what I'm afraid of? That i won't get out because i'll never have a chance to. It will leave in the middle of it all so i can't exactly end it because i won't have time to stare at it and realize ha thats crap i'm finally free. It'll just get buried until it surfaces again (There's like 1 in a billion chance of doing so, but it happens) and when it does what am I supposed to do???
I've "lost" my piano, can't see my guinea pig anymore, still mad at that stupid movie...now i have this horrible fear of something like that happening to any loved one in the future.

if YOU UNDERSTAND any of the above, then you understand ME.