Decadence

Harsh Words
(Today the realization of how life will progress hit me with one more, rather unexpected blow).





Look at all of you.
You have been spoiled rotten.
You have 5 different video game consoles, and at least 10 different games for each. If your Ipod breaks because you threw it in a pool to impress your friends, your parents will get you a new one, no questions asked. You see movies with your friends every single weekend, you have such parties.

I'm here every day knowing that I cannot do the same. With every invitation to go somewhere or do something, I must seriously consider the consequences of asking permission for attending. You can just crash at any friend's house if you're too tired after some exciting event, the details of which are probably unknown to your parents.
And every other day, its "why are you so noob [for not attending]", "haha, you're so noob [for not attending]".
Even after I've told you why I cannot come.
"Well, screw your parents! I'll drive over there myself and wisk you away!"

I don't want to be wisked away.
I have no interest in seeing that movie, eating at that place, going to that concert.
Why? solely because you will ask again next week.
These things are a dime a dozen.
Worthless.
I can't have everything I want. And I can tough it out.




Why am I so different from everybody?
Why am I not part of this mob of teenagers springing off into a wretched pool of hormones?
Not part of every other female who wishes to be objectified?
I don't need to ask these questions. It's not like I want to change. It's not like there's someone worth changing for. Never was. Never will be.
Easy action. That's all they're good for.


I never want to be inside a boy's house again. I've thought about it. Sick of being called a hypocrite. It's the only argument they use against me.
If given the choice, I'd much rather prefer staying at home on a warm winter day, drinking hot chocolate and putting my creativity to good use.